- The church water fountain would dispense Dr. Pepper.
- Hymns would have motions.
- The adult service would have a flashing light signaling that kids' church was out so the pastor could dismiss the adults.
- The senior pastor would have to put up with YOUR kid.
- Nursery duty would be mandatory for all choir members.
- Ushers would pass out animal crackers and crayons.
- People being baptized would be allowed to splash.
- Greeters would wear full body costumes and make balloon animals.
- Every Sunday you could poke your head into the adult service and bark out, "Keep It Quiet!" and they would obey.
- Church staff meetings would be held at Incredible Pizza.
- It would be considered harmless fun to wear cowboy gear and blast holes into the church's grand piano while hollering "yee-haw!".
- Adults would raise their hands during the sermon and ask the senior pastor if they can go to the restroom.
- Church finance boards can only say only one phrase, "Go ahead! We don't care how much it costs!"
- The senior pastor would have to get permission from the children's pastor before adding any new services or scheduling any new events.
- The church tithes would go to the children's ministry first. Any left over money would be distributed in small increments to the general fund.
- When people got saved in the adult service, the senior pastor would fire off a confetti cannon.
- The adult service would have to use the old sound system with the high pitched hum and the crappy projector.
- Children's workers that did not show up would be fined. At the end of the year, you could use the money to go to the Bahamas while they ran VBS for you.
Ahhhhh, thank you Roger Fields. I like they way you think. All I can say is, "Yes and Amen!"
