Yes, It Has Been Awhile

So, I open up my blog today and see it has been 3 months since my last blog. That may not seem like a real long time to some people, but this last 3 months have seemed like a lifetime to me. Of course, as a Children's Pastor, summertime is my busy season. Between VBS, summer camp, and finding new teachers for the fall, I stay pretty busy. But this time.......


VBS is over - it was a very good one.....camp is over - the best we've ever had.......I'm in the process of finding teachers and it looks like I have all I need.....so why the deep feeling of frustration?


I think I have found the answer.....I am really ticked off at God right now. My whole life is in limbo - the selling of our house....the church.....my dad.....Wes' job and possible retirement. Everything is just hanging out there - just out of my reach and it is driving me crazy. Because I can't reach it - because it's not going the way I would like - I have decided that God isn't doing it correctly. I've decided that I know better and I'm ticked off because He hasn't chosen to see it my way.


Well, good for me. No wonder I have been moody and frustrated lately! I wasn't created to be responsible for all of this mess and yet I think it's my job to take care of it. It's all a matter of trust. You see, if I truly believed that God loves me - just for me - that He is really crazy about me - not because of what I do or what I don't do - just because I'm me, then I would trust Him that He has my very best interest at heart. Why would He do this - because He loves me. If Psalm 139 is really true and He knows my inner most parts and knew about me before He created the heavens and the earth....if He knows how many hairs are on my head, then I think I can safely say that He loves me enough to trust Him with all this other stuff.


So, I'm shifting gears. I first had to ask God to forgive me. Of course He did - He's so full of mercy and grace. I'm asking God to help the knowledge of He loves me that's in my head to move to my heart. He's the only one that can get it down there! I want to trust Him with all I have; therefore, I really need to know how much He loves me.


No, none of the situations in my life have changed - everything is still in limbo. But my heart has changed....I no longer need to strive to find the answers.....I can just sit and enjoy the fact that He loves me. He'll take care of everything. This is where I want to stay.